Being Small for God

"We are, each and every one of us, insignificant people whom God has called and graced to use in a significant way. In His eyes, the high-profile ministries are no more significant than those that draw little or no attention publicly. On the last day, Jesus will look us over not for medals, diplomas, or honors, but for scars." Ruthless Trust

When Henry died, I wanted to honor him in every way possible. I read blogs about different things people did to honor their unborn children. Should I host a race? Start a nonprofit? Write a book? I kept wanting to do all these big things and felt guilty every day I didn't. I had to do BIG things for my son. Then it occurred to me that maybe God didn't want that for me. Maybe He wanted me to be small. I don't mean small as in insignificant. I mean, maybe He wanted me to honor Henry by holding onto my faith when most days I was faithless. Maybe he wanted me to share Henry's story not to thousands on a stage with lights and big production, but maybe to the cashier at the grocery store. Or a coworker.

Then it occurred to me: Am I willing to be small for God? Again, I don't mean small as in: I don't matter. I mean small as in: Am I willing to serve God in my daily life? In my current, mundane circumstances? Because that's how life feels right now. Mundane. Sure I have joy. There's always joy, and I'm beyond blessed, but I'm not gonna lie. Life is hard right now.

I don't think all of us are called to speak at Women of Faith conferences. Or dig wells in Africa. Some of us are called to do exactly what we're doing right now: stay home, raise babies, and serve our men. Most of us are struggling for some reason. Whether it be the loss of a child, a hard marriage, debt, bad health, singleness, loneliness...we're all called to endure something, and while it's a BIG thing in God's eyes to be faithful in our mundane circumstances, sometimes it feels small. Sometimes I feel small just playing with Benjamin and making my husband dinner. Sometimes I feel small just telling my story to Bible Study, but anytime I'm faithful and choose joy when I just want to give up is hardly small. It's huge! I don't have to be the next Beth Moore or start a charity to matter. I mean, maybe I'll do something like that one day, but today I'm called to be faithful exactly where I am. So this is how I'm honoring Henry. This is how I'm honoring God! By being faithful today. In this moment.

"When God closes a door, praise Him in the hallway."