Earthly Blessings

I did something bad the other day. I didn't break the law or anything that extreme, but I did do something I knew was wrong. Blatantly, knowing it was wrong while doing it. My first thought after feeling conviction was: Did I lose Henry because God knows how blatantly I sin when I want my way? Followed by my second thought: Will He not allow me to get pregnant again because of how awful I am? Praise God it doesn't work that way.

I read in Shattered Dreams that, "Our badness is no longer the obstacle to blessing. Not is our goodness the condition for blessing." I'm no Biblical scholar so I can't really come up with a verse at the moment that supports this, but this is seen throughout Scripture. Jesus being the ultimate example. He was perfect and look what God allowed Him to endure. On the flip side, I know plenty of evil people who live blessed earthy lives. I say earthly because most blessings I pray for are just that. Unfortunately. "And if our hope in Christ is only for this life, we are more to be pitied than anyone in the world." (1 Corinthians 15:19)

I'm not gonna lie. I hope beyond hope that God blesses me with more children. I hope Benjamin grows to be a godly man. I hope my marriage continues to grow stronger every day. I hope to hold my grandchildren. There are so many good things I hope for, but no blessing on this earth compares to the hope we have in Him. And I'm not some Mother Teresa that lives this out consistently. Sometimes I don't feel that way at all. Sometimes I feel so hopeless because no matter what earthly blessings I receive, I won't have Henry. But I do have the hope of a future in eternity with my son, and that should have me singing!

"God is not waiting to bless us after our troubles end. He is blessing us right now, in and through those troubles. At this exact moment, He is giving us what He thinks is good." (Shattered Dreams). My first thought to this is, But having my 33 week old baby kicking my womb is good! Yes it is, but as hard as this is to stomach, much less say out loud: He has something better in mind. Better than the blessing of holding my darling child. Some days I don't care what good He has, I want my way. Some days I want Henry here more than I care about His glory. And as worldly and selfish as these thoughts are, I think they're okay to feel. But the Holy Spirit continues to remind me that glory means more than any earthly blessing that comes my way...even Henry. No sin, no good behavior, nothing can change that. PRAISE GOD!

If we are faithless, He remains faithful. 2 Timothy 2:13