17 Days

I've been a mom for 17 days, and I have to say that it's been the best 17 days of my life. Don't get me wrong. Life 'aint perfect or easy for that matter. For not being busy, I sure am busy! I look like dog poo just about every day. I am totally sleep deprived. No longer pregnant, I'm just chubby. The romance in my marriage has been put on hold, as there is now a child sleeping in my room and well, I wear the dorkiest looking nursing bras ever! I have been peed, pooped, and spit up on. I'm an emotional mess. But at the same time, I'm more fulfilled and happy than I've ever been in my entire life. Benjamin has taught me so much already. My life is truly no longer my own. I now wear the lens of a mother. I never understood how my Mom could give up so much for me. Her time, money, the shirt of her back, but it all makes sense now. I now have this needy, little human that depends on me for everything. Me....the girl who still depends so much on her mommy! Just the other day, Benjamin started couching and I screamed for her, even though she was in Tennessee! Being a mom has shown me the way I am to Christ. I'm His needy, little human who can do nothing apart from Him. God knows I've tried! My cries hurt Him. He loves me more than I will ever comprehend. I've had a lot of down time, being as I'm a milking machine, so I've had precious moments to sit and reflect. Daily, I look into my son's beaultiful baby blues and pray for his salvation, that God will claim Him. And know Him. That He will strengthen Andrew and me to make the best decisions we can for him. But it's not all serious around the Dafferner house. This little guy must think I'm a nut job. I don't know what I'm doing! I'm never going to be the mom that has it together. I'm not Mrs. PTA. But I can promise you that Benjamin will have a mother who adores the mess out of him. A mama he will know hits her knees in prayer for him daily. 17 days...I know each day is a blessing. That I'm not promised tomorrow with him. That Benjamin belongs to Jesus. My son is a gift. A blessing. A loaner, as He is God's child. I'm just the woman blessed to have had 17 precious days with him.